Six months ago today, we said goodbye to our little sweetheart.
It feels like 6 years.
Days like today are really just a day to reflect a little bit more about our Gracie because truthfully, there isn't a day that goes by that we DON'T think about her. Remembering what life was like with Gracie is becoming harder and harder. Everything about her starts to feel like a memory that fades with each passing day. Its videos like the one I have posted below that help keep her memory alive for me. I know she is at peace now and is doing good works up in heaven but oh how I miss her and miss that she is not a part of our earthly family anymore.
When I was pregnant, we went to a clinic that did ultrasounds for gender. I was around 16 weeks along. It was UEA weekend and we brought all the kids with us because they were out of school. I wanted a girl SO BAD!! When they told us it was a girl, I thought all my dreams had come true! Two boys and two girls....what I had ALWAYS wanted. I was ELATED to have another little girl and so excited for Callie to have a sister. This is probably what gets to me the most......that Callie will never have a sister to talk to, to be her friend and companion, to walk her through life's challenges. It makes my heart ache just thinking about it.
But life goes on and is meant to be lived with happiness, hope and faith. We work on that every day.......it is a work in progress.
March 2, 2009 will forever be etched in our memory. Knowing that your baby is going to die, saying goodbye to her and watching her die have to be up there with some of the most excruciating things a parent can go through. We came home that night to this poster on our front lawn. Our neighbors David and Stephanie Adair made it for us and had all of the people in our neighborhood come by and write on it. This is just one example of the hundreds of acts of kindness we received through our experience with Gracie. I truly don't know how we would have gotten through it without all of our wonderful family, friends and blogging friends!! The Lord blesses our lives through the service and love of other people and we have definately been recipients of that service. We will be eternally grateful for all the thoughtful, kind, caring people we have in our lives!! We have been blessed!
The kids have started school and Callie is in kindergarten!! I have to admit that I was sad knowing that my little girl was big enough to go to school every day and that I would no longer have her permanently with me. I have an empty house every afternoon but so far have managed to keep very busy!! It is good for me to stay busy because it makes time go faster and helps me not to dwell on the fact that Gracie is no longer with us.
My friends and I have started shopping for Gracie's Tree for the Festival of Trees. It is going to be so special! I will make sure to post more about it in the future.
We appreciate everyone's love and support from the bottom of our hearts!
We miss you Gracie Girl!!
Max reading Gracie's favorite books to her (with an interruption from a CRAZY University of Utah fan!! :) . October 2008.
42 comments:
Oh my heck i can't believe it has been 6 months. That is the cutest video of her older brother reading her those books.She is so beautiful. You are in our prayers
Michelle
You continue to be very dear to our hearts and I ache for you in these anniversaries that I know bring up so much heartbreak! Thank you for continuing to share snapshots and memories and precious videos of your very loved angel daughter!
Mandy
Thank you for sharing Gracie with us. I know first hand how hard anniversaries and milestone dates of the children we lost are. I'm glad you have the memories to hold on to.
What we wouldn't do for one more day....We miss our little GG. She IS in a better place, but we are not. One day we all will, I hope. She inspires is all to be better people. I just did a similar post, great minds think alike.
I think of your Gracie girl everyday. Her story touched a place in my heart that won't ever let me forget. I so wish she was still part of your earthly family. You're an amazing mom to go through all this and still be going. It pains me to think of the day you had to say goodbye. I have been reading of so many sucessful transplants lately and have questioned why Gracie's didn't take. It doesn't make sense. You wanted her here just as much as those other families wanted their children. I know our Heavenly Father has a plan, just wish it was easier to understand sometimes.
May you be blessed today and the days to come in your life that you will feel the love of our Savior, of your Sweet Gracie, and all your family and friends who surround you with love. Thank you for continuing to share your personal feelings and Gracie's story with all of us who came to love your sweet girl over a computer screen.
Thank you once again for sharing this journey with all of us! I just lost a pregnancy at 16 weeks and it was so hard to cope for several days. Then I remembered you and all you and your family went thru. I remembered all you have written and others comments to you, mine as well and I was lifted up! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your faith and sharing your journey!!
You are still in my prayers!
Sweet Gracie. 6 months. I am sure it seems like forever to you. So glad you are staying busy while you kids are in school. I really hope to be able to come to the Festival of Trees to see her tree. I am not sure when it is, I am due December 19 so we will have to see what condition I am in! :) But I plan to do what I can to come. I would love it.
Her short life blessed so many people in so many ways. I think about your family a lot.
Michele and family, our family will always be moved by yours... we continue to say prayers for all of you... and I do so very much look forward to seeing Gracie's tree... I hope... that every Christmas you might be able to do a tree in honor of Gracie... I would love to donate to that fund every year. With much love, respect and friendship, Livy and family...
Thinking of you today...and of course, your sweet baby girl. Heart hugs~
What a beautiful Gracie Girl!
What a beautiful family.
Thank you for continuing to share her with us, Michelle. I have prayed for your hours to be filled as Callie has started school.
May your heart continue to be filled with sweet, sweet memories of your GG.
Before we know it the holidays will be here--for those of us who live far away, we can't wait to see her tree in photos. Have fun getting it together!
Beautiful little Gracie. She is so missed! I am thinking of you all today.
I remember that sonogram day phone call! Seems like it was a different lifetime ago. 6 months is a long time. You have done the most amazing job in documenting her little life and it's good that you have those precious videos and photographs to make those treasured moments come back alive. So many people only have their fading memories. I always felt like I wanted to take a picture with her on our many days together, but I hesitated because I wanted to believe that we had MANY years of photo opportunities left. Does that even make sense? Callie will be blessed from her sister watching over her her whole life. Brendan has felt his older brother with him many times. She will be blessed to have incredible friends like I have found in you to help fill the sister gap. Sending lots of love your way today....
Praying for you on this difficult day.
I think of you often and of course Gracie girl. I love the videos you continue to post and it definetly kicks me in the butt to start getting the video camera out more. I am guilty of just taking photos. You're in our prayers!!!
Andrea
You and Gracie are always in my thoughts!! I have many tears with you today. Thanks for your example of faith and for your friendship :-)
Wow to think 6 months have gone by. Think of all the lives she has touched. Callie will always be able to talk with her little sister and Gracie will always be watching over her. I still have a special bond with Danny and I have had moments where I knew he was with me and helping me through. I still think of him daily as my guardian angle.
I can't believe 6 months have gone by. I for one won't forget your sweet Gracie. She reminded me daily (and still does)to remember how precious life is!
Sweet little angel.
You are on my mind so often and I think of precious Gracie so much. I can't believe six months has already passed. Just know you are in my prayers today.
When Heidi and I were up ther for Conference, Elder Scott said, "The pain gets less, but the memories get more vivid." I feel the same way you do, that the memories are fading> I too have to look at video and photos. There have even been times I don't beleive that it ever happened, until I see those photos. Its a crazy amount of emotions. We love you guys!
Beautiful video. Beautiful Son and Daughter.
My heart goes out to you. I love that video of sweet Gracie. I have followed your blog for a good 8 months or so, but I randomly met you at your neighbors yard sale last weekend. I had no idea we lived so close. I am Mimi McDonalds friend, the one who has baby Mia. I introduced myself but it was kind of chaotic so I don't know if you remember me. Anyways, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. It was nice to meet you. I can't wait to see and hear more about Gracie's Tree. We try to go up every year, it will be fun to know someone, somewhat personally :)
Oh Michele...xoxo.
Wow. 6 months already. I wonder what kind of amazing work she has done in the last 6 months. I sincerely believe that many days she has been hovering over Grant encouraging him to keep fighting when the odds were against him... sharing a birthday and a heart condition makes me think of Gracie all of the time. We love you guys!
Alli and Grant
What a sweet memory. We miss you sweet Gracie, and your family is still in our thoughts and prayers.
So fun to watch the video and remember how cute Gracie was and how wonderful her family was to her. What a great memory her tree will be in the Festival of Trees.
All our love,
Connie and Family
ALWAYS thinking about you and Gracie, especially this week! Don't ever fear she will be forgotten...that is totally impossible! My 4 year still begs me to take her to Gracie's gravesite all the time (which I do) and everytime we pass the cemetery (which is everyday) she yells "Baby Gracie, Baby Gracie" as loud as she can!!!
Our daughter is in Taylor's class this year. I talked with my daughter about Gracie on the way home yesterday. She remembered the big video at the Benefit concert for Paul Cardall. I think their teacher is very sweet. I'm glad our lives have crossed paths in some ways, and sorry in others. There are so many overlaps in our lives, and yet so much that is different.
Be grateful for so many good neighbors, friends, and family. Not everyone is so blessed with such a great support system. I am glad that you lean on them, and let them mourn with you. We will likely see the tree you are doing. I still am trying to find people to help us do one for Bridget. The YW did one for Dominic, and it was a very special way to remember him and do something good for the community, too.
It has been nearly eight years now since we said goodbye to Dominic in that same PICU that you had your goodbyes with Gracie. It is nearing two years for Bridget. It is so true that our memories fade. I have no video of Dominic at all. I wish that God would give a little more memory capacity for us mothers who don't have our children here tangibly, but I suppose He has it figrured out as to why we can't remember them as well.
I also struggle so much with our kids not having their siblings here to grow up with. Our youngest never had the chance to meet Dominic OR Bridget in this mortality. There's so many questions I have. When people tell me I should write a book, I assure them I am, and that it is infintely long: a book full of questions to ask God when I get the opportunity to see Him.
Take care.
Michele-
Thank you for sharing the video of Max and Gracie and that crazy U of U fan. I can't believe 6 months have gone by. We think of Gracie often...and I think about you even more and am praying for you to be comforted every single day! You are becoming too wise and amazing Michele...I hope we can still be friends even though you are on an entirely different level. Maybe you can rub off on me a bit. :)
Love, Nat and family
Everytime I read you blog my eyes fill with water. Thank you for continueing to keep Gracie's memory alive. You are an example of strenght and faith to me. You have faced the unbarable and yet remain so strong in your faith. For that, I thank you!
I was in bed 8 when Gracie passed away, I wanted so badly to come and hug you, but didn't want to take any time from your family. At the time it was my biggest fear to be in your postition. And now I have joined the same club that no one wants to belong to. Though I have not dealt with this pain as long as you have, it is here none the less. You have a beautiful angel, and I know that you will be with her again where you can raise her and love her without worrying about central access and cath lab and echos and blood draws. I know it seems like forever away, but like you said it is a work in progress to reach your ultimate goal. Keep being strong.
Staci (Bridger's mom)
We love you guys!
I'm so sad...I had been following your blog since little Gracie was born. She was so beautiful, I checked on her progress all the time. Unfortunatley my computer had crashed and I lost my link to your blog. Through much searching I found it today only to see that Gracie had passed away. My heart is heavy but I know God has a plan. I just wanted you to know that Gracie has touched my life and made me more greatful for all I have. Much love, Juli
Michele, I have not visited your blog for awhile and smiled when I turned it on to hear Every Mothers Prayer by Celine Dion. I listened to that song several times as we drove home from her funeral and thought it was so fitting. Every mothers prayer for their daughters is in the words to this song but with little Gracie girl it takes on new meaning. I know she is in the Lord's hands now and her mothers prayers are being heard:) Love you guys, Shari
Hello, I have commented on your blog in the past, but they are few and far between. I was in Primarys six months ago, with my son. I followed your blog minute by minute during those last heartbreaking days. I was a few floors away sobbing my eyes out for your beautiful family. I don't know what it is about your daughter, but I love her with my entire heart. I can not read any of your blogs without my heart filling with such a powerful emotion. She is truely wonderful. I was getting ready to take my son home after a year and a half in intensive care, yet I left a part of my heart back with you and your family. My heart aches with you from afar. Please know you are in our prayers. You are so strong, and I am in complete awe. I sometimes get such survivors guilt. My son has had his share of life flights, surgeries, etc. He has fought his entire life to live. But I continue to be amazed at your beautiful family and your Gracie. She has touched my life, my family's life, and will always be remembered. Even if I have never met her. I will always love her. Thank you for sharing her with us. I know it sounds crazy. Just wanted to share with you about how she has touched so many lives. Your videos are priceless. Love and admiration, Stacy
I must admit it has been awhile since I ventured to this wonderful blog.. But... I keep a link on my own blog so that every now and then I can check back and be reminded of how precious life is. Your family is not far from my thought with each passing minute of the day! It is I, who is blessed to have you and the "grace" of god in my life!!! Thank you for continuing to share your beautiful words and thoughts with all of us!
P.s. I am completely in love with Paul Cardall thanks to you!!! :) I actully downloaded a couple songs from itunes to play at the opening and closing of Testimony meeting for girls camp.
Thank you Paul. It worked just as I had hoped!!
Gledhill Family,
I also wanted to thank you for sharing your story of your sweet girl. I learned about Paul Cardall's music from your blog in March. His music has blessed our family.
Your sweet little Gracie has touched so many hearts! Lots of love!
I too am missing Gracie Girl. As I think of loved ones that have passed on to the other side it is with a tender heart. The feelings of emptiness can't be rationalized away, they are there and they hurt. We are glad you have had so many special family trips that will always be remembered. We love you guys. Phil, Katie, Jesse and Hunter
I read through your entire blog one Sunday and it touched my heart in so many ways. I feel a love for you and your family and Gracie, even though I have never met you.
You family is amazing!
You are in our thoughts and prayers and you experience this anniversary.
I know you don't know me, but I am so touched by your blog. I mourn with you and pray for you. God bless you and your family
I just heard this great new song and was thinking of all the people I know with sick kids. I hope you are all doing well.--Kami Alger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TipLsmZgjI
I can't even imagine what you go through on a daily basis. I have read your blog often but don't comment much, i don't really know how to express my feelings very well i think is the problem. What a sweet girl. I hope you continue to heal. You are always in my thoughts :)
Mindi
Libbi's mom
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