This is a picture of one of the scrapbook pages from Gracie's funeral sign in book. When we got home from the funeral, this one was blank and Callie asked if she could draw on it. I thought it would be a cute thing to look back on in 5 years so I said yes. She drew a picture of each member of our family and said "I'm pretending that this is Gracie in her dead case". If you look closely at the picture, she drew a rectangle around Gracie. How sweet are the words of a 5 year old who just lost her only sister. Just precious.
The above picture was taken on February 3rd, almost one month to the day she passed away. It is just one of the many times Callie would join in on whatever Gracie was doing. Callie decided to lay down on Gracie's blanket with her and cover them up with another comfy blanket. Oh how I will miss those days............ Surprisingly, Callie has been the one who has vocalized her missing Gracie the most. I think that comes from being home with Gracie and I every day except when she was at preschool. I don't think I realized how much she bonded with her during that time. This is a little bit of a conversation we had the other day:
Callie said, "I wish I could be in heaven with Gracie. But you're kind of getting old huh mom? She wasn't supposed to die because she was a baby. She was supposed to die when she was a grandma. Because your hair is a little bit gray huh mom? But if it was all gray, you would be a grandma." (Apparently it is time to color my hair!!)
Sweet Taylor. This is the 'Gracie Shrine' that is on the floor in his room. My little 'middle child' has a tender heart. He's a collector kind of kid and has been asking to keep different gifts, plants and pictures that we have received. He just keeps adding to his collection and as you can see, he arranges it just perfectly! So cute. I love that I will have this blog (and printed book version) to show my kids every detail of what happened, what they did and how they felt. I think it will be something they will treasure for years to come.
I wanted to let you all know that I have received your emails and read the comments on my blog and although I don't have time to reply to all of you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I save every email and will print them into a book someday. Your thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement have been uplifting and make me feel like Gracie will not be forgotten. I appreciate the cute little notes and gifts on Gracie's grave. I appreciate all of you for realizing that our pain is not over and will take a long time to heal. Sometimes I think it gets worse with time. There is so much going on in the first few weeks with planning the funeral and visiting with friends and family in the days/weeks afterwards. When the dust settles, it can become lonely and a lot harder.
And every day is one day farther away from the last day you spent with your baby. That's the hardest part about time passing you by.
I read a quote off another mom's blog about grieving and thought it was very appropriate. It said:
"Bereaved people are like ducks above the surface.....looking composed and unruffled, below the surface.......paddling like crazy." --unknown
So very true.
46 comments:
mmm...that quote is pretty amazing. I love finding amazing morsals of writing in the most humble places.
I think of Gracie every day.
Peace.
sabrina
Michele:
Your comment about "everyday is one day farther away from the last day you spent with Gracie" is so very true. I am so glad I got to spend as many days with her as I did. She is my last thought when I go to sleep and my first thought when I awake. I cherish every moment I held her close.
Grandpa Gary
Thank you for this sweet post. I have been wondering how your children have been doing. I love your quote, that is so true. And those gray hairs you might have are there for a reason and you have been through so much that it's no wonder if your hair is turning gray, mine would too! I just love every one of your posts, and I will always keep checking back because I know you are still there. Thank you for your example. My heart aches for you.
A duck paddling in the water. Great description. It's hard to understand how you might be feeling because I can't even go there in my mind. I love Callie's sweet drawing and Taylor's shrine. You have such great kids! I have about 20 more pages of drawings of Gracie to give you from Megan. That is such a cute picture of Gracie and Callie under the blanket. I have NEVER seen a more beautiful baby than Miss Gracie! Oh, she is missed so much!
Love - Nat
Time does make it easier to swallow...take all the time you need. Love on one another and let them love on you. Cry...laugh...remember....and never forget. What a sweet blessing she is and always will be. Bless your heart and your sweet family. Im praying for yall~
You know that I'll be there when the paddling gets to be too much and the surface starts to get a little choppy.
Taylor's little corner melted my heart. How true it is that everyone mourns in their own way. They are so lucky that you have noticed this and are there for them. Your strength will come from each other and I'll be praying for each of you to be able to handle all the ups and downs together.
I'm thankful to personally know the cutest angel in heaven, but honestly, it stinks! I wish she were here too! Missing Gracie everyday....
I love that comment. Andrea is an amazing woman and I love that quote. What sweet kids you have. I love the little Gracie shrine, and it is tender to see the love they carry for their sweet baby sister. Keep paddling. You guys are doing great.
Maybe I am over stepping my bounds but I just want you to know that around the 3rd and 4th months my kids started taking it harder. I hope it is easy sailing for you though because the most difficult thing to do as a mom is watch my children grieve.
Wow, how true that comment is. Your Taylor boy seems to have a heart of gold. I am still so sorry about your loss, it must be a terrible thing to go through and I'll continue praying for your family.
You don't know me. I am actually Stephanie Adair's cousin. I live in WA and have been keeping up with Gracie Girl on this blog for sometime now. Please know that prayers are being offered up on your behalf all the way up in WA. I have been strengthened by the testimony you and your family have. Thank you for letting us get to know Gracie through your blog. We love her and her beautiful smile!
Oh Michele, I am so grateful for your strength! I think of you often and pray the Lord's choicest blessings for you and your family. Your sweet Gracie will never be forgotten. I can't thank you enough for letting me (and everyone!)come along this journey with you. You write from your heart and we love you for it.
Thank you so much for continuing to update everyone (including new blogging pals!) on how you and your family are doing. Your sweet girl Gracie has touched my life beyond description. Everyday I come onto her blog to see what exactly the Gledhill Family has to say today. What darling children you have. You must be so proud! Please don't stop updating us on you and your family. You are forever in our prayers. We love you.
Love,
The Giles Family
Michele-
The artwork of Callies heart is priceless....the collector of remembrance placed in Taylors room is heart warming. Its apparent that your children feel the spirit of Gracie's presence. They have captured her heart and will never forget her. What a precious child she will always be...
My heart aches for your breaking heart...When you are lonly, please know that you are loved always..
I can only imagine your comments that when time passes...you feel further and further away from the time you spent with your precious little angel. She will always be in your heart...as you will be connected to hers.
I await the day that we are reunited with our loved ones in the presence of our creator. I wish we could fast forward....but the moments that we cherish with our loves one in this mortal life will be the love that we carry until our Eternal reunion. I hope you can feel the love of your sweet Gracie in your heart. She is there! I have felt her sweet spirit...and know that she is with our Heavenly Father...The blessings of the Gospel are endless.
I hope you know of our love...feel our prayers in your behalf...our concern for your tender hearts...and the love we have for all of you.
Lean on those that love you...when you are feeling moments of lonliness...we are one of them!
Hugs-
Aching for you!
Praying that each day will seem a day closer to being reunited with your sweet angel baby!
Michele, Keep paddling, I still am and it has been almost 6 years. It breaks my heart and reminds me of my girls when I see the picture of your girls. My Maddie missed Mia so much and wanted her little sister to play with. Give Callie a big hug from the Holland family. Love today, Nicole
How right you are about missing her more as time goes on....I feel that way about my mother. After she was gone, it was kind of a relief for a while because all the trials and pain with illness were gone too. But missing her sweet personality when the dust settled was just hard some days. I try to think about just the good things and celebrate them and allow myself only 5 minutes here and there to be sad because it really does no good and it hurts. I hate dwelling there when I know we will be together someday....
What sweet children you have...all of them. :) I've been following your blog for a couple months now and I honestly think of your family and of Gracie each day. What an impact you've had on our family. I love coming back to your blog from time to time. You are all amazing and I am so grateful that you wrote this blog. It has blessed our lives immensely.
Lots of love and prayers your way!!
Oh your sweet Callie...I am praying for your children! I can't imagine how tough this must be on all of them as it is on you and your husband. I'm continuing to pray for your family!!! I know I've said it before but your Gracie will never be forgotten!
There is a special bond between sisters! I love the shrine. Your kids have seen and learned so much at such a young age. I'm sure their testimony of the gospel is much stronger than most kids their ages. I know that Gracie strengthened my testimony during her short time on earth. Thanks again for sharing her through your blog. Her strong little spirit continues to bless us because of what she endured on earth.
I know my thoughts won't help now when everything is still so fresh and there is so much grief, but reading your sentence about "every day is one day farther away from the last day you spent with your baby" reminded me of a friend who lost their child as well. (I hope I can say this right). It was (and is) so hard for her, but eventually she was able to look at the passing of each day as being one day closer to being reunited with her baby. I know that gave her a lot of comfort and hope, maybe someday it can do the same for you.
What sweet kids you have. I love the conversation with Callie. What a funny girl! And I can so relate to Taylor's tender heartness. I have such a soft heart and although it can make things harder at times, I am so thankful that I am so sensitive to feelings. I am sure he will be a romantic!
You are truly an amazing person. I wish I could meet you one day, and who knows, maybe our paths will cross. Your kids are adorable in their ways of remembering and mourning sweet Gracie. Those will be priceless treasures in the years to come. I'm so glad for your kids to have great, strong, and faithful parents to help them through this trial. You are an amazing family, and when the hard times come...remember our Heavenly Father & Savior are standing a little closer to help you through!! You guys truly lift me up and I think about you daily. You've really touched my heart. Thank you for sharing!!
Thinking of your family. Praying for you. Missing Gracie Girl!
I came upon your blog by accident, and have been very deeply touched by it. The picture of the hands holding each other is priceless. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your precious daughter and sister...may time heal your wounds. Thank goodness your family is forever.
What sweet children! These are tender mercies.
We still pray for "the Gledhill family" or "Gracie's family" every night, praying that you will find comfort and peace.
I remember last year at this time...Spring General Conference, checking your blog every possible chance to see how Gracie was doing. I remember that it was a very scary time- and I always prayed that when I went back to check on the blog, that Gracie would still be hanging on. She was and is a miracle. We will never forget her and the way she has touched our lives. We miss your precious daughter, though we never knew her here on earth.
I hope that the conference talks this weekend bring you extra peace and comfort.
With love,
Robbie
Your kids are so sweet. It is sad they are already having to deal with such "grown up" stuff, but it seems they understand more than most grown ups do. They will really cherish your blog someday - when they can look back and remember their sweet baby sister. You are such an amazing mother to all your children! It breaks my heart to read that "every day is on day farther away from the last day you spent" with Gracie. I wish there was some way to make that easier for you. I would love to help you with your paddling!
Our prayers continue to be with you. My heart aches for Callie, Taylor and Max. I see the bond with Kamryn and Owen and I can't imagine having that taken from her.
I know time won't heal the wounds, but I hope that you continue to find peace and comfort. Conference is this weekend and I hope that spending time with your family, feeling the spirit in your home, Gracie near... it will be good.
PRAYERS,
Andrea
We are still praying for your family during this loss. I cannot imagine the pain, the emptiness, but pray you find HOPE in each and every day...hope for the etnernities we have with our special, sweet, sacred families...hope my friend!
The Therklesens (IHH)
We are still praying for your sweet family. We love you!!
YET ONE DAY CLOSER TO ETERNITY...you will hold her again!!!
Michele,
Just thinking about you and hoping that the Lord blesses you with peace and joy.
Liz
I want you to know that although I don't leave comments very often, not a day goes by that I don't think of your family and Gracie. Whenever Teagan does something new, every gag, every puke....I think how is Michele dealing with this, oh wait. I don't say this to bring back memories, but to let you know, it wasn't suppose to be this way... we were suppose to raise these two together, lean on eachother when we just couldn't get through one more puke. I want you to know I am still here and want to be your friend, you are the only person who knows what real reflux is:) I will cherish our friendship forever, I get through ever gag because I think about how happy you would be to have it all back. Call me anytime.
HEART HUGS
Michele,
I am not sure if my comment went through so sorry if you get this twice. I agree when the dust settles it gets very lonely. I believe the rules for grief are...there are no rules. Gracie taught everyone so much through her life and death. Now you are teaching so many people how to grieve in a healing and healthy way. There is no way that Gracie will be forgotten. The memories of her live on through you.
Amy
We are still thinking of you. If you need anything, let us know. The certificate that Donor Service sent out was beautiful. The gift that Gracie has given to others is like no other. It holds such a dear place in my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't think of our donor family. I worry about them often and hope they know how much we love and apprecitate them for what they have done for our famiy.
It is an overwhelming feeling of such a pure love for someone we have never met. I don't doubt that the family that recieved Gracie's gift feels the same way.
You are in our prayers.
Maybe we will see you at Paul's concert.
What sweet memories. We are still praying for you and your darling children. We heart you!!
I think about you and your sweet children daily. Little ones can understand and handle much more than we think they can...they have wonderful parents leading and guiding them too! May the paddling become easier...who knows, some days you may not even need to use any oars (or feet)!
What wonderful memories your family has with Gracie girl. She will always be in your hearts and in those of us who followed your blog.
God bless all of you.
I think of your sweet family everyday. I love the picture that Callie drew for Gracie and the "shrine" in Taylor's room. What sweet kids you have! I love reading your posts, you are such an inspiration to so many. I pray that you will continue to feel the prayers of so many that were touched by Gracie's life. She will never be forgotten!
Please know that you, your husband, and those sweet children continue to be in my daily prayers.
In all these years since Dominic died, I only just found that duck quote, too! It is actually quite good at condensing such a complex situation into one little truth. You are right about time. People will tell you that time will heal. Time allows for change, and sometimes the changes are just not the ones our hearts were invested in. It is a long adjustment. I don't know if you ever found the little bag we left at Gracie's funeral. It was meant to help you with a FHE opportunity with the kids. I didn't want to intrude, so we left it on the table with the sign in book. It was in a little "Baby" gift bag (I mean little). Anyway, if you didn't find it, I could redo it. I just had printed out some little photos from your blog, and included a small keychain size photo album for each of the older kids to make their own "scrapbook" with Gracie's pictures. When Dominic died, my then two year old had a hard time as she was still somewhat learning vocabulary (as you know there aren't even enough words as adults to express ourselves). We made her a little album like the ones I put in that bag, and for YEARS she has had that to "remember" Dominic! It was a great thing for her. She is so tender, much like you describe Taylor. If you didn't find that bag, I'd be happy to get another set put together for you. I think the adjustment into the grieving is complicated when you have the dynamics of everyone else in the home grieving in their own little ways. It's nice to find ways to build unity in spite of the way we all grieve differently.
I look so forward to seeing a new post of yours. I still cry everytime i see a picture of gracie. She is such a beautiful little girl. Thank goodness for our blogs. To have & look back on years down the road. I wish they had blogs when my little megan was having her heart surgery and all her trials, it sadly just all seems like a blur. That is so cute what taylor has done in his room what a sweet older brother.
P.s. i love that picture of Gracie & callie
Tom and Michele- You have such beautiful children. They are so sweet and I can tell there is a special spirit in your home. I am so grateful for your strength and ability to have touched my life and the lives of my family so amazingly. It has been such a testimony builder and for that I am so grateful. I know that you will be a forever family and that angel Gracie is with you always. She is a special angel and we love her so much!! Hang in there and be strong. I know you will. We are really looking forward to Paul's concert and the tribute they are going to do for Gracie. Our thoughts and prayers are with you always, The Gee Family
the pic of the girls cuddling made me tear up! so darn precious! i bet her big sis does miss her tremendously! awesome shrine big brother!
I just came upon your blog and I am sobbing. Your little Gracie is beautiful. Bless you all! I can't begin to imagine what you have gone through. I am forever changed because of reading this. Just as you, I know that families are forever. What a sweet reunion you will have someday. Thank you! Thank you for reminding me that life is precious and every moment matters. God bless you all!
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