I was going through the video on our camcorder and came across this cute little clip of Gracie smiling at her daddy in her bouncer. I love how she does her little coy look away and lets a smile slip in once and a while......so sweet. All while trying to turn her head against the force of that darn feeding tube pulling on her cheek. It was fun to watch all the clips on our camcorder in succession. Gracie changed so much from the time that we first brought her home. I didn't notice it while I was living it. Only in reviewing her little life on film did I see her cute personality evolve. It's as if she came alive after coming home. Smiles were not her strong suit during those first 76 days in the hospital. I don't think I would be smiling much either. We were so blessed to have been able to get to know her in our home, the place where she felt safe.
The more that time goes on, the more our life turns back into the 'normal' we used to have. I find it sad in a way because there is a portion of you that wants to just sit frozen in time and try to never forget the memory of your baby girl. But the freshness of her memory fades the more time passes. You always have memories with all the photos and videos but the fact of the matter is that every day that passes is one day farther from being with your baby. I know people have said that it is one more day down that you will be with her again and I guess that would be helpful if I didn't have so many days ahead of me.
We are holding it together and trying to move forward with faith. Faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ is what gets us through this and other trials. I don't know how anyone can go through something like this without faith in a higher power. We continue to think and pray for all of our little (and big!) heart friends out there who are still fighting the good fight.
I came across the following in an article in the Church News on May 23, 2009. It said:
President Hinckley said he enjoyed the words of Jenkins Lloyd Jones written in a June 12, 1973, Deseret News column: "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed.
"Most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.
"Life is like an old-time rail journey---delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
That is the trick, being thankful for being able to have the ride. We have a happy life despite our trials and that is due to being incredibly blessed by our wonderful family and friends and membership in the church. I continue to get emails from those of you who don't know us and have been touched by Gracie's life. We are humbled by the power of her story and grateful that she was able to change so many lives in her short time with us. What a gift she will forever be to me. I will hold her memory close until we meet again.
