Our Christmas Card 2010

We wish you are your family a very Merry Christmas!!! 2010 has been a good year for us. The picture on the far right bottom of our card is Callie holding a necklace of a metal heart with Gracie's name on it. She is not forgotten.
Christmas 2008, Taylor kissing Gracie (our baby Jesus! :) in our little family nativity on Christmas Eve.
We think of our Gracie even more during this time of year, we miss and love her so much!!!

Celebration of Life Monument

Gracie, January 18, 2009

I had a dream the other night that I was in a room with Gracie and she was alive. She looked just like she did when we had her. I knew in my heart that it wasn't really true but held her as tight as I could and cried. Then it was as if I went from room to room and one minute she was alive and with me and the other minute she wasn't. I just remember waking up feeling like I had cried all night long but luckily, it was only in my dream. I was crying with happiness when I was with her and holding her and then crying in sadness when I knew she had passed away. Luckily, I don't have dreams like this very often because they are too draining. It has been 19 months since Gracie passed away. Time is flying by.

After all these months, we have another wonderful way to remember/honor her with the Celebration of Life monument. My husband and I stopped by to see the monument on our wedding anniversary a couple weeks ago. It is located in downtown Salt Lake City, and is a place to honor organ donors. (Gracie was not only an organ donor recipient, she was an organ donor herself after she passed away) We knew Gracie's name had been added but had been unable to go see it until then. When we saw the endless list of names, we knew finding Gracie's name would be like finding a needle in a haystack. There were hundreds of names etched in the wavy glass monument that seemed to go on forever.

I was determined to find it. I wasn't going to leave until I did. I went through name by name and surprisingly, found it quite quickly. The names are not in any particular order which is why it made it a challenge to find.

When I finally found it, I thought it was so perfect that her name is located right next to the statue of a mom holding her little girl up in the air. A little girl that looks to be how old Gracie would be right now. Bittersweet.

We love and miss Gracie every day but have a peace in our family that we will be with her again. We are so grateful for organ donation and are grateful for all of our other heart friends whose lives have been saved by a selfless organ donor and their family. Donate to Life!! :)

A New HEART for Mason

Our little heart friend, Mason, got his new heart yesterday on EASTER!!! The family had arrived just a couple days before to visit Summer and Mason in California for spring break so the timing was perfect!! He is doing well and we couldn't be happier! Callie prayed tonight and said she was grateful baby Mason got a heart and hoped that it would 'work good'. So keep it going MIRACLE MASON, we hope your heart 'works good'!!

Two

Tom brought this Willow Tree figurine home in memory of Gracie's Birthday. Two years old today on the first day of spring. She would have been a cute little toddler! We miss you baby!!

One Year Ago We Said Goodbye

One year ago today I saw my baby for the last time. Waking up the morning of her last day was a surreal experience. Knowing that I only had a few more hours to see her was completely overwhelming. I really can't explain what that feels like.

Looking at the clock that afternoon was like looking at a ticking time bomb. .......four hours left, then three........then two.........the anxiety was so high I didn't know what to do. How do you gather enough strength to watch your child pass away? Oh how I wished I could stop the clock!! But I knew she was in pain and that it was time to let her go.

Later that night after she passed away, I couldn't bring myself to blog about that experience. That's when my husband so beautifully wrote his post 'Goodnight Gracie'. A blog that I had faithfully updated for 14 months had now lost it's main character, my GG. My love, my inspiration was now gone. I would now be writing an obituary, planning a funeral, dressing my baby's body at the funeral home and seeing her sweet face one more time before closing the casket. Experiences that none of us want to have. But some of the most important life lessons come about from the most painful experiences. We can't learn them any other way, it's just not possible.

One year.......it feels longer than one year since we ended our mortal journey with Gracie. Since then, our lives have gotten 'back to normal', and sometimes it all feels like a dream. We have been blessed by the kindness of others and that has helped heal our broken hearts. We have much to be grateful for.

Blogging since Gracie passed away has been challenging because I always like to blog with a picture or two. Obviously over the 14 months that I kept up the blog, I used all of my favorite pictures of her. So for this post, I thought I would post the beautiful portraits that people have done for us of our Gracie Girl.

A couple weeks ago, we attended Paul Cardall's concert at Abravenal Hall. He played to a sold out crowd of 2,700 people, many of whom had been effected by congenital heart disease. The concert was awesome. He ended the concert with a longer and different version of 'Gracie's Theme'. It was so beautiful with a full orchestra!! We are so blessed to all of you who continue to remember our sweet Gracie. Paul had a silent auction before his concert and an artist named Patricia Christensen donated her services in doing a free portrait of anything the bidder would like her to paint. In doing so, she asked if she could paint Gracie for her example portrait for the concert. We of course said 'YES!' and saw it for the first time that night. Patricia gave it to us and we are thrilled. I particularly like her eyes, eyebrows and fuzzy hair. I think it's just adorable! (sorry about the flash on the glass).

This portrait is done in watercolor (I think!). We received this from someone who followed the blog whom we have never met. I heard that they had this commissioned out of Chicago. We absolutely love it. One of my favorite photographs of her has now been made into a portrait. The detail and talent of these artists is AMAZING!

Sisters........ JR Johansen (my mother in law's cousin) did this portrait of Callie and Gracie. He did an 'Angels Among Us' exhibit up in Huntsville of children who had passed away or who have medical conditions. He even incorporated her little 'chapstick' into the picture. (For those of you who don't know, to overcome her oral aversion, the speech therapists told us to use chapsticks to get her used to flavors and positive things by her face) He has an amazing talent and I love Gracie's chubby cheeks and fuzzy hair......ooooooo it just makes me want to smooch those cute cheeks again!!

This portrait was given to us at the funeral. Our heart friend Daxton's mom Hilary brought it to us, one of her friends drew it. This was the first portrait we had received and thought it was SO kind for complete strangers to do this for us.

We cherish each one of these portraits as well as each and every gift, letter and email that has come our way with words of comfort and love. I don't know how many times I can say that we truly could not have gotten through this experience without the love and support from all of our family, friends and blogging friends!

It wouldn't be my blog without putting my latest favorite quote on here (which I have already attached to my side bar), it reads:

".....Heaven's kindness will never depart from you, regardless of what happens......Bad days come to an end, faith always triumphs, and heavenly promises are always kept."

--Jeffrey R. Holland--

Gracie on January 15, 2009.

Gracie, we miss your sweet smile, little blue fingers, chubby cheeks, fuzzy hair, big dark blue eyes, gorgeous long eyelashes, fluffy hair and button nose. You are deeply missed. But we will have you in our family forever. We have a little piece of heaven in our home when we think of you and honor your memory. Our memories of our life with you will make us live better lives while we are here without you. Until we see you again sweet baby girl, we love you!!

P.S. I am adding this little tidbit to this post today on March 3rd. The newspaper said that MARCH 2ND is BY FAR the most likely day for moisture of any day the WHOLE year. I thought that was pretty interesting. The odds are just over 50% that it will rain or snow on March 2nd. In fact, no other day of the year statistically has a chance for moisture that is 50% or more. (January 11 and April 25 were the next two most likely days for rain in Salt Lake City at only 41%). So BRING ON THE RAIN, so appropriate for all the future March 2nd"s we have ahead of us!

Bright Eyed GG

I couldn't resist posting this picture of Gracie. My mom took this photo and I just saw it for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Such a cute little look on her face, biting her lip and observing the world through her sweet little eyes. Oh GG......we miss you!!

Our Christmas Card

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!!

Gracie's Tree

Wow, I can't believe the Festival of Trees has already come and gone. It was a once in a lifetime, wonderful experience! Monday, November 30th was decorating day at the South Towne Expo Center. We transported the tree in a moving van which made the day go by relatively fast because the tree was already decorated!! It was fun to be there and feel all the energy of everybody busily working on their creations. The Festival is such a massive undertaking, it was very impressive to see how they ran it like a well oiled machine. There were 400 large trees and 400 small trees along with wreaths, centerpieces, quilts and more. You could feel the spirit that was there. So many trees were dedicated to people who had passed away, it was very special. I have heard that some people call it the 'Festival of Tears' because of all the dedicated trees and their stories.

Pictures of Gracie's Tree don't really do it justice. It is so much prettier than the pictures portray! We were able to make it so nice all because of our wonderful family, friends and blogging friends who donated to the Gracie Tree fund!! Without all of you, this wouldn't have been possible, we thank you from the bottom of our 'hearts'!

We took our kids on Wednesday, the first day the Festival was open to the public. They had already seen it decorated at my sister's house but they had a fun time being there and feeling the energy of the Festival. This is a picture of Max reading the back of the sign for Gracie's Tree. They have you put the story of the person it is dedicated to on the back of the sign. That way, people can choose whether or not they want to read about the person's story. It was sweet to watch Max stay close to the tree and observe all the people who came and commented on her tree and her story. It was kind of a surreal experience.
This is a picture of the WHOLE tree on decorating day. The black tape on the ground divides all the sections. We had a 9 foot by 7 foot space.

We bought a vanity to go along with the tree. I found it with the help of my friend Michelle, at a consignment store and had it painted at another store. It turned out so cute. I also bought the white chandelier that we jimmy rigged to hang above the vanity. We completed the vanity with a dress up boa, brush, comb and mirror set, dress up beads, a silver decorative Christmas tree and fake cupcakes on these darling handmade little holders made out of upside down glasses and dainty plates glued together.
I found this gorgeous adult minky blanket at Swiss Days in Heber over Labor Day. We displayed it over the bench that came with the vanity and topped it with the picture of our sweet GG. They allowed the large trees to include ONE 8x10 picture of the person the tree is dedicated to. No pictures were allowed on the tree itself.

Our empty boxes were wrapped with cute wrapping paper from Swiss Days. And a $150 gift certificate to BRIGHTON!!

A $125 gift certificate to any spa that participates in the Spa Finder program.

I found this cute little stitchery at Swiss Days. I knew it had to go with the tree because this phrase has been on so many of us heart moms blog. It reads 'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.'
I found this dress form at a fun store down in American Fork called Finders Keepers. We added some pink and green ribbon and the flower to match Gracie's Tree.
A close up of some of the fun ornaments on the tree. The crystal chandelier ornaments were one of my FAVORITES. We got a lot of our ornaments at Hobby Lobby but we bought them in September so we had a great selection!
The tree skirt was made out of a bright pink minky fabric with a pink and green cotton border and green jewel trim. I wanted a minky tree skirt because it reminded me of all the fun, soft blankets we had for Gracie. It was big and beautiful. I had a lady from the fabric store make it and my mom finished it by sewing on the trim and the darling covered buttons that secured the tree skirt together in the back.

Tom, Me, Mimi, and Steve on opening night.

We went to Opening Night at the Festival on December 1st, from 8-10 p.m. after the auction which was from 5-8p.m. It is an event that is mainly for the decorators and no one under 16 years old is admitted. It is semi formal and they have a child with medical issues 'turn on the lights of the festival'. It is also when you can go and see if your tree sold at the auction. Well..........when we got there, our friends, Steve and Mimi Roberts had come earlier to the auction and BOUGHT GRACIE'S TREE AND GAVE IT TO US!!!!!!!! We couldn't believe it and were so humbled by their thoughtfulness and generosity. The tree has now been delivered and is in Gracie's room by the window for all to see. Gracie's room has been transformed and has a piano in it with a recliner and a wall with her shelf and some of her mementos. Her room is a special place to be where it is just a little bit quieter, a place to have a little peace.

And last, a picture of our sweet baby last Christmas opening a gift bag. Little did we know that would be the one and only Christmas we had with our girl. I remember packing away her ornaments last year wondering what 2009 would bring. I would never have guessed the road we were to take this year. It is human nature to dislike and resist trials in our lives but I have to admit that it brings a dimension to your soul that you cannot achieve in any other way.

We are so grateful to all of you who we met at the Festival, who stop and tell us how touched you have been by her story. For all of our friends and family who continue to bless us with their support and friendship. The relationships we have formed through this blog and the existing friendships and family relationships that have deepened because of it have enriched our lives forever. We are grateful our baby's life has had an impact on so many through this invaluable blog. Thanks to all of you, we are able to honor Gracie through the Festival of Trees and raise money for precious children who have vibrant futures ahead of them!! Thank you!

Festival of Trees

Mark your calendars!! The Festival of Trees is in 17 days! I have been busy working on Gracie's Tree for the past 4-6 weeks. It has been fun to see everything come together.
Her tree is done!! We have put it all together in my sister's basement and plan on transporting it in a moving truck to the Festival!! My good friend's two sisters are designers and they came and put all of our ornaments and decorations on her tree so that it would look PERFECT and it does! A tree fit for the memory of a very special girl. I won't post pictures of her tree until the Festival starts.........I don't want to ruin the surprise! All I can say is that our tree is not the conventional red and green Christmas tree. When I thought of a theme for Gracie's tree, I knew I could not do it red and green. Those colors just aren't Gracie. So I decided to do it in bright pinks and apple greens with a healthy dose of blingy, shiny, crystal ornaments!! Super girly and super cute!! We have some fun things to go around the tree. It will be every little girls dream. Everything I would buy for Gracie if she were still with us.

We couldn't have done the tree in the way we did without all of the GENEROUS donations from all of our friends, family and blogging friends out there. So for that I give a huge Shout Out to all of you!! We really, really appreciate your support.

A lot of people have asked us how the whole thing works and how they sell the trees. The Festival has an auction the night before they open it to the public. Tickets are $30 and that admits two adults. Once inside, there is a silent auction on all of the trees there. If the trees do not sell the night of the auction, then they are sold to the general public the remaining days of the Festival. Tickets for the general public are $4.oo (discount $3.50) for adults and $3.00 (discount $2.50) for children and $3.00 for Senior Citizens. Wednesday Family Day $14.00. Discount tickets are available at Zion's Bank.

I hope everyone has a chance to attend the Festival of Trees this year. EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR of the proceeds go to Primary Children's Hospital. Everything from the money they make on admission to the items they sell at the Sweet Shoppe will go to the kids at Primarys. What a WONDERFUL cause. I can't think of a better way to start out the Christmas season than to give something to those in need.
Hope to see you there!!

My sweet angel baby......we miss you so.....

(Gracie 4 months old)

Last Halloween

After you loose a loved one, you can't help but reflect on the past when it comes to holidays. Tonight we will go to my dad's annual Halloween party and I can't help but think about last year when we had our little GG with us. She was so much fun and doing relatively well at the time, even though we had gotten the bad news that she would not be able to have her second surgery until the pressures in her heart went back down. Reflecting on her 11 short months here on earth, I can't help but feel the Lord's divine hand in our lives.

The doctor's pushed out her second surgery as far as they could. She was 7 months at the time of her Cath procedure and babies with her condition are supposed to have their second surgery between 4-6 months. Then when we got the bad news about the pressures in her heart being too high. They pushed it out FOUR MORE months which is really unheard of. She was 11 months old at the time she was supposed to have her pressures checked again and hopefully be eligible for surgery. Looking back, I realize that all of these 'delays' were just the gift of TIME given to us to be with our little girl, just a little longer. To have her for every holiday. Every single one: Easter, Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We even had her on Valentines Day even though she was in the hospital recovering from her stroke and waiting for her heart transplant. Memories of each of those holidays is all that I will have in my heart to remember her by.

I wanted to include a few pictures from last year. Three out of the four pictures I did not post last year. The first one I did, I couldn't resist reposting this one again. My little lamby with a shy smile. We miss you our little GG..........

The football player, doctor, fashionista and lamby.

Max and Gracie.

My sweet little girl.

A New Heart For Paul

Last week, we were out of town, waiting in line at Disneyland when we got a text from Paul that he was going to be receiving a heart. We were ELATED, and nervous for what would be transpiring. We were without internet access but had our cell phones and hung onto every text we got the next day from family and friends giving us the update on Paul's heart transplant.

As most of you know, it went better than expected and we couldn't be happier!! We were able to visit Paul in the hospital for a little while and he looks great. It is truly an unbelievable thing that here we were talking to Paul, sitting up in a chair, when only a few days earlier, he had received a new heart. Simply amazing! It was also a little ironic that he happened to be in the same room that Gracie was in for over six weeks following her surgery at 4 days old. The visit brought back a lot of memories.

I read a quote by Elder Dennis B. Neuenschwander that said:

"Whatever happens in the life of a person, if his attitude is right, the Lord will work that experience for that person's good."

Paul has the best attitude about life and I have no doubt the Lord has worked a miracle for him in part because of his faith and positive outlook on life. We are lucky to have gotten to know him over the past 7 months. He and his family have blessed our lives immensely. We look forward to seeing what the future holds for him!

6 Months Ago Today

Six months ago today, we said goodbye to our little sweetheart.

It feels like 6 years.

Days like today are really just a day to reflect a little bit more about our Gracie because truthfully, there isn't a day that goes by that we DON'T think about her. Remembering what life was like with Gracie is becoming harder and harder. Everything about her starts to feel like a memory that fades with each passing day. Its videos like the one I have posted below that help keep her memory alive for me. I know she is at peace now and is doing good works up in heaven but oh how I miss her and miss that she is not a part of our earthly family anymore.

When I was pregnant, we went to a clinic that did ultrasounds for gender. I was around 16 weeks along. It was UEA weekend and we brought all the kids with us because they were out of school. I wanted a girl SO BAD!! When they told us it was a girl, I thought all my dreams had come true! Two boys and two girls....what I had ALWAYS wanted. I was ELATED to have another little girl and so excited for Callie to have a sister. This is probably what gets to me the most......that Callie will never have a sister to talk to, to be her friend and companion, to walk her through life's challenges. It makes my heart ache just thinking about it.

But life goes on and is meant to be lived with happiness, hope and faith. We work on that every day.......it is a work in progress.

March 2, 2009 will forever be etched in our memory. Knowing that your baby is going to die, saying goodbye to her and watching her die have to be up there with some of the most excruciating things a parent can go through. We came home that night to this poster on our front lawn. Our neighbors David and Stephanie Adair made it for us and had all of the people in our neighborhood come by and write on it. This is just one example of the hundreds of acts of kindness we received through our experience with Gracie. I truly don't know how we would have gotten through it without all of our wonderful family, friends and blogging friends!! The Lord blesses our lives through the service and love of other people and we have definately been recipients of that service. We will be eternally grateful for all the thoughtful, kind, caring people we have in our lives!! We have been blessed!

The kids have started school and Callie is in kindergarten!! I have to admit that I was sad knowing that my little girl was big enough to go to school every day and that I would no longer have her permanently with me. I have an empty house every afternoon but so far have managed to keep very busy!! It is good for me to stay busy because it makes time go faster and helps me not to dwell on the fact that Gracie is no longer with us.

My friends and I have started shopping for Gracie's Tree for the Festival of Trees. It is going to be so special! I will make sure to post more about it in the future.

We appreciate everyone's love and support from the bottom of our hearts!

We miss you Gracie Girl!!

Max reading Gracie's favorite books to her (with an interruption from a CRAZY University of Utah fan!! :) . October 2008.

Sacred Piano

Paul has just released the CD 'Sacred Piano' with "Gracie's Theme" as track number four. I was looking through my recent Deseret Book catalog that I got in the mail and it was so fun to turn the page and see the advertisement for 'Sacred Piano' and to see it featuring "Gracie's Theme". I ripped the page out to keep in Gracie's scrapbook. The following is a description of the CD from the website:
(Gracie almost one year ago at one of Max's football games)

"Nurture the spiritual atmosphere in your home with this beautiful collection of peaceful piano compositions from award-winning pianist Paul Cardall. Spanning his fifteen-year career, these songs showcase Paul’s delicate style and magnificent artistry. His tender and delicate approach to playing the piano has touched countless hearts all over the world."

You can find the CD at Paul's website or Deseret Book or coming soon to itunes. We want to thank Paul again for his tribute to our sweet girl.

Gracie's Theme Music Video

(press pause on the music playlist at the bottom of the blog to be able to hear the music on this video without interruption)

We had never met Paul Cardall before Gracie's funeral. We connected through our blogs while she was in the hospital in February. Our relationship started with correspondence through the blog and then through email about his music. I had wanted a change from the usual music we had been playing in her room. With a one disc CD player, the CD's we had were getting old and repetitious. I was looking for something peaceful, something instrumental to play. I received a copy of Paul's Primary Worship CD and knew I had what I was looking for. It quickly turned into our favorite CD, the one we played over and over and over in her room the last two weeks she was alive.

I mentioned in a previous blog post that my step-dad Gary had secretly emailed Paul and arranged for him to play at Gracie's funeral. That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between our two families. Paul, Lynnette, and Eden hold a special place in our hearts and we love them not only for everything they have done for our family but also for being such an example of love, faith, enduring to the end, patience, long suffering, optimism and hope.

This is a picture of Paul, Tom (and Lynnette) coming through the line at Gracie's funeral. A picture of the first time we met them in person. We were then, just as we are now, overwhelmed by Paul's kindness and love towards our family. We are blessed that Gracie's life has touched and inspired him enough to write a song for our little sweetheart. Paul wanted the video to show the full circle of her life from heaven and back again, starting with her funeral and ending with her birth. I think he did a wonderful job. It was emotionally difficult going through every picture and video of Gracie for this music video. I gave Paul a LOT of pictures and videos to choose from and then he put everything together to form this music video.

It was an interesting thing to review her entire life through pictures and videos over a matter of a few hours. Only then was I able to get a comprehensive view as to how many struggles she (and we!) had to endure. Gracie is my hero. We are so blessed to have had her in our home.

Paul also posted this video to his blog and wrote a beautiful post about Gracie and our family, to read about it click HERE . He dedicated the video to every family who has lost a child.

We pray nightly for all of our heart friends who are struggling right now. The only thing we know is that we have a Father in Heaven who is mindful of us and our trials and who will always be there for us if we will let him in. If we will just try to continue on in faith, we will make it through.

I saw this quote on a plaque at Deseret Book:

"Faith in God includes faith in his timing."

Neal A. Maxwell

We are fortunate to have been able to feel our Savior's love through all of the kind words and actions of our numerous friends and family members. You continue to strengthen us, thank you!!

Aloha! :)

My own attempt at Gracie's name in the sand.

A beautiful sunset from our table at a restaurant.

Our little family at a real hawaiian luau.

Our family had the opportunity to go to Maui for 10 days the first part of July. We had a wonderful time relaxing and being together. It was our kids first time on an airplane and being anywhere tropical so they LOVED it!! We thought about our GG a lot and saw some very cute swimsuits and hula skirts that would have looked darling on our girl.

I continue to be thankful to all of you who continue to comment and send me emails. I read each and every one and wish I had time to respond to all of you. Some of you have shared with me life changing experiences you have had because of Gracie's blog, I save these and will remember them always. I appreciate it very much.

We passed the half million mark for people looking at this blog.....absolutely mind boggling. Some of you have come up to me in the store and introduced yourself and told me how touched you have been by Gracie's story, I enjoy meeting you and appreciate you letting me know who you are. All of your words of kindness help us to heal from the loss of sweet Gracie.

It wouldn't be Gracie's blog if I didn't include another quote. I thought this one was really good.

It is from President Thomas S. Monson,:

"Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel's end—no dawn to break the night's darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea 'Is there no balm in Gilead?' (Jeremiah 8:22). We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face."

Thomas S. Monson, "Looking Back and Moving Forward," Ensign, May 2008, 90

A Video Clip Of Gracie

I was going through the video on our camcorder and came across this cute little clip of Gracie smiling at her daddy in her bouncer. I love how she does her little coy look away and lets a smile slip in once and a while......so sweet. All while trying to turn her head against the force of that darn feeding tube pulling on her cheek. It was fun to watch all the clips on our camcorder in succession. Gracie changed so much from the time that we first brought her home. I didn't notice it while I was living it. Only in reviewing her little life on film did I see her cute personality evolve. It's as if she came alive after coming home. Smiles were not her strong suit during those first 76 days in the hospital. I don't think I would be smiling much either. We were so blessed to have been able to get to know her in our home, the place where she felt safe.

The more that time goes on, the more our life turns back into the 'normal' we used to have. I find it sad in a way because there is a portion of you that wants to just sit frozen in time and try to never forget the memory of your baby girl. But the freshness of her memory fades the more time passes. You always have memories with all the photos and videos but the fact of the matter is that every day that passes is one day farther from being with your baby. I know people have said that it is one more day down that you will be with her again and I guess that would be helpful if I didn't have so many days ahead of me.

We are holding it together and trying to move forward with faith. Faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ is what gets us through this and other trials. I don't know how anyone can go through something like this without faith in a higher power. We continue to think and pray for all of our little (and big!) heart friends out there who are still fighting the good fight.

I came across the following in an article in the Church News on May 23, 2009. It said:

President Hinckley said he enjoyed the words of Jenkins Lloyd Jones written in a June 12, 1973, Deseret News column: "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed.

"Most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

"Life is like an old-time rail journey---delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

That is the trick, being thankful for being able to have the ride. We have a happy life despite our trials and that is due to being incredibly blessed by our wonderful family and friends and membership in the church. I continue to get emails from those of you who don't know us and have been touched by Gracie's life. We are humbled by the power of her story and grateful that she was able to change so many lives in her short time with us. What a gift she will forever be to me. I will hold her memory close until we meet again.

A Heart For Lindsay

How adorable is this little Lindsay? She is one of Gracie's little heart buddies listed on the side of our blog. She just had a heart transplant and is doing well!! We send our best wishes to their family. Click here to read about her on her blog.

Instead of Tears......

Instead of tears.....I hope this post brings a smile. It's amazing how much entertainment can come out of a couple of ratty, goofy, random wigs. Nice bruise on Callie's chin....remnants of two different falls onto the same spot on her face. Life goes on and we will continue to find joy in the journey. One of my favorite quotes is "Enjoy the little things in life for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things."
pictures taken 4-22-09

Thinking about my GG

Gracie, 6 months old in this picture.

Just thinking about my girl today and missing her. Today she would have been 14 months old.

This is one of my favorite pictures of her, being held by one of her biggest fans, my mom. I don't know what it is about this picture that is so striking to me. I like the coloring, the red flowers in the corner, her sweet face looking so peaceful and content, her little fingers with her girly bracelet hanging off her wrist, her cute little hair with a line down the center where her bow used to be, the feeling of pure love from a grandma.......everything about it is special.

It's amazing to think that we took hundreds of pictures of Gracie but now I feel like it's not enough. I wish I had more. I actually wish I had more good pictures of her, I have a lot of hospital pictures but those are not the ones that I tend to look at. All you have are pictures and videos when your loved one is gone......and I don't think it's possible to have too many. So, that is the challenge for me and for you this summer, take more pictures of your loved ones.....take more than usual at that family party, family reunion or picnic or just your every day events. They will be priceless to someone someday.

Gracie's Name In The Sand

Gracie Jean Gledhill

March 20, 2008-March 2, 2009

We love you Gracie Girl!

There is a neat website called http://www.namesinthesand.net/ that originates out of Australia (I think). The people running the website lost a child of their own and started writing 'angel children's' names in the sand as a way to help bereaved families. It is free service and they only put their email address on their website for one day a week and then take it off. They get 150-200 requests just on that one day that they list their email address. They only do children who have passed away, not adults. They rely on donations to keep their site up and running. What a neat thing to do for other people. I love the picture. It's the next best thing to living near a beach myself!