I was going through the video on our camcorder and came across this cute little clip of Gracie smiling at her daddy in her bouncer. I love how she does her little coy look away and lets a smile slip in once and a while......so sweet. All while trying to turn her head against the force of that darn feeding tube pulling on her cheek. It was fun to watch all the clips on our camcorder in succession. Gracie changed so much from the time that we first brought her home. I didn't notice it while I was living it. Only in reviewing her little life on film did I see her cute personality evolve. It's as if she came alive after coming home. Smiles were not her strong suit during those first 76 days in the hospital. I don't think I would be smiling much either. We were so blessed to have been able to get to know her in our home, the place where she felt safe.
The more that time goes on, the more our life turns back into the 'normal' we used to have. I find it sad in a way because there is a portion of you that wants to just sit frozen in time and try to never forget the memory of your baby girl. But the freshness of her memory fades the more time passes. You always have memories with all the photos and videos but the fact of the matter is that every day that passes is one day farther from being with your baby. I know people have said that it is one more day down that you will be with her again and I guess that would be helpful if I didn't have so many days ahead of me.
We are holding it together and trying to move forward with faith. Faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ is what gets us through this and other trials. I don't know how anyone can go through something like this without faith in a higher power. We continue to think and pray for all of our little (and big!) heart friends out there who are still fighting the good fight.
I came across the following in an article in the Church News on May 23, 2009. It said:
President Hinckley said he enjoyed the words of Jenkins Lloyd Jones written in a June 12, 1973, Deseret News column: "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed.
"Most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.
"Life is like an old-time rail journey---delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
That is the trick, being thankful for being able to have the ride. We have a happy life despite our trials and that is due to being incredibly blessed by our wonderful family and friends and membership in the church. I continue to get emails from those of you who don't know us and have been touched by Gracie's life. We are humbled by the power of her story and grateful that she was able to change so many lives in her short time with us. What a gift she will forever be to me. I will hold her memory close until we meet again.
35 comments:
I doubt you remember me. I worked at the front desk in the cardiology clinic at PCMC. I was pregnant and quit working when I had the baby. I've been following Gracie's blog for over a year and I thought it was time I thanked you for the opportunity to learn from you. I am always humbled as well as filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the Lord and His love for all of us. After reading your posts, I am a little kinder to my husband, and give extra kisses to my sweet baby boy. I'm so sorry this happened to your family, but know there's at least one more family in the world that is better because of Gracie and your willingness to share her story.
Gracie is just beautiful. Thankyou for sharing her life and your faith. I think of your family often.
Is it just me or is the video not loading?
She certainly was a BEAUTIFUL baby!!! A blessing even if for such a short time...
Your Strength continues to amaze me. Everytime you post I find hope and love in what you write. You inspire me. God Bless you and your family
What a darling video of your sweet Gracie. I love to watch the video's I have of our little Mia too. It helps me remember that it was REAL and not a dream. The more time goes on the more it seems like it was only a short dream. That is also one of my favorite quotes too. I had forgotten about it until I read it again on your blog today. I remember reading it just after Mia passed away and thinking how true it is. Thanks Michele for your words that help us all. Your faith helps even those of us who have lived similar trials.
Love, Nicole - Mia's mom ^i^
She is missed.
That is so precious. I also love hearing your son singing in the background:)
Oh. Sweet Gracie. What a sweet surprise to find this clip. I visited a patient at Primary's today, and couldn't help but think of Gracie and visiting her there. I just felt so sad at the reality that she really is gone. I have been missing her and thinking about her like crazy today, and then to see this clip. My heart aches for you. Thanks for sharing another little tidbit of her. And thanks for that great quote. You always have profound things to say - and such clarity of what life is all about.
What a great coy smile! Thanks for sharing....the video, your lives, and this great quote! We still think of you guys often. Just wanted you to know. Our love and prayers remain with you family!
Sooo sweet. I am sure Tom loves having that clip. Boy, I sure miss her. I think the shock is finally wearing off and reality is sinking in. Life is tough. Thank goodness for wonderful quotes like that! I think I am going to cross stitch that on my pillow.
Absolutely priceless. I love the way she knows her own name and is totally in love with her daddy.
We will never forget your baby girl!
Such an incredible keepsake you have forever. She is so adorable in this video smiling at her daddy. She is such an amazing example to us all and we will forever be changed by her short life here on earth. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to be a part of it and to still have her in our lives touching our hearts and helping us to be better people! We love you all!
Gracie never stops bringing joy into our lives! What a joy she lives on in our hearts forever! I cant imagine the long days that await, that you struggle to want to reunite with your precious gem, but I do know that she is with you always! Thanks for continuing to touch all our hearts! Hugs
Still thinking of you guys and sweet Gracie. I love the video. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Precious Gracie! I can't imagine how much you miss her. I have her photo at my computer desk. My Mom just said tonight, who is that BEAUTIFUL baby? I still think of you guys each and every day. Thank you for posting the sweet video of her.
Praying......
What a priceless video! I'm glad you have lots of them. Thanks for sharing! So cute!
not a day goes by that i don't think about you and sweet baby Gracie. i keep her funeral program on my desk to remind me of the lessons she taught all of us...oh how I love that sweet smile and beautiful face!
Thanks so much for sharing. This video really touched my heart.
That is so crazy that you used that quote. I came across the same quote this week and it has helped me a lot.
I'm grateful for the gospel and that you have a deep knowledge of Our Fathers plan. I know that it will continue to help throughout the wait to see your sweet baby girl again.
Much love, Hilary Cook-Daxton's mommy
Thanks for sharing that beautiful video of Gracie. My boys all gathered around the computer to watch- they still remember baby Gracie and offer prayers for her. It still is hard to believe that she is gone. What a blessing she was to this world.
Love,
Robbie Andersen
That was such a sweet video! Thank you for sharing that with us. I hope your family is doing well!
This post is so powerful! The video of Gracie is just precious. I know you miss her so much and I pray for you often as you continue this journey without her.
She is soooo sweet. What a beautiful memory. Thank you for sharing your sweet Gracie with us.
Im so happy to see that your family is hanging in there. I know its hard. I just got in the mail the other day from my visiting teacher a magnet that says when life is to hard to stand then Kneel. I felt comfort in that and maybe you will to. I know I was having a really bad day and they have seem to gotten worse since were coming up on our 1yr. aniversary. So remembering to pray during this difficult time was the reminder I needed so I hope that if you have a bad day you find comfort in your prays. Tracy Fuhriman
that is so sad i feel so sad i am so sorry that it happened to your daughter
Thank you so much for sharing that video. It brought tears...I loved her too, in my far away fashion. We never met, I never saw her or you or anything, but I miss her too. Blessings to you and your family!
Beautifully said and what a cherished video of Gracie!!
You do not know me. I happened on your blog one day, and check in now and then to see how you are all. I love the music you have on here, so peaceful. I was wondering if you knew where your friend found the angel tie tacks/charms for your families ties/bracelets. I have been looking and cant find anything not tacky. My sister is losing her sweet baby girl to a brain tumor in the nex month, and I wanted to do the same thing for her. Any info would help. Thankyou Alecia
Gracie will always be in my heart when I read you blog ...I saw how special she truly is and how...Faith and Believing in God is so important
Dear Michele,
You don't know me, but we went to school together. Tara Hunsaker (Jones) forwarded this blog to me. Your grief is heart wrenching to me. I lost my mom and sister 8 years ago, and I know how much that hurts. Losing a child is just unbearable to think about. The pain must be that much more. I pray that Heavenly Father keeps you in his loving care. I am so grateful for the gospel and that we will see those we love again. May you heal and find joy.
Tina McCafferty (Stewart)
Hi, Not sure why but I felt inclined today to visit sweet Gracie. I've had lots of ups and downs emotionally with my Mary Clare (HLHS, 2 years old) She is healthy and thriving, and I thank God every day for that and for her. I have been anticipating her third surgery for months now and the time frame is still uncertain. (We wait for 30 lbs or heart function decline.) I came here today to remember and reflect and humble myself. Seeing that sweet video of Gracie makes me realize that I need to enjoy each and every single moment and not let the worry overcome me. Thank you for sharing Gracie with me. Her memory will live with me forever. She is one very special little girl who is loved by so many.
Love to you, Kerri Pennington
Gracie had the sweetest way about her. I remember those little smiles she had... The smiles I remember most were in her crib right after she woke up. I know she loved her crib, probably because she could lay down and look around at her room that was decorated with so much love. We think about her often! You have taught me incredible lessons about faith, enduring to the end, and being grateful for "the ride."
Love - Nat
although i dont know you or gracie, this video certainly touched me. your baby girl is simply precious. thank you for your hopeful words. we have all been touched by your darling girl gracie.
I just have to say that i think you are a remarkable family i just had my first baby a little boy and he spent some time in the nicu and i have found myself taking some of this glorious time with him for granted and i just want to say thank you for reminding me how important it is and i am soaking it in now and i know with all my heart that no matter what our Father in Heaven wont try us beyond our limits and he knows what those are and that speeks volumes for the type of family and woman you are again thank you so very much for shareing such a beautiful little spirit with us all.
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